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Links in a chain
At 71, the seasoned mother on the lost early days, the clean house at 1am, and the wisdom she’d pass down
togetHER · MUM PROFILE
Vivien is a mother and grandmother in Melbourne — 71 years old, and what you’d call a truly seasoned mother. She raised her daughter largely on her own for around 17 years, before she married again and became a stepmother to four more children. Decades on, she looks back with hard-won clarity on all those early years asked of her — and all they gave.
THE HARDEST PART
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The hardest part was waking up a brand-new mother — completely lost, out of my depth, holding this precious gift that arrived without an instruction manual.
You find out quickly how little your own role modelling prepared you for what was to come.
WHAT MAKES IT WORTH IT
Every single day since. The shared experiences, the challenges, the closeness and the bond with someone who came through you — even on the days they treat you as little more than an obstacle in their way.
Then come their children — and you see that every second is a treasure.
HOW SHE GOT THROUGH IT
A few quiet tears when no one was watching — letting out the tension and the sense of not being enough. Then the decision that self-pity wouldn’t fix a thing.
So she buried the feelings in activity: chores, a spotless house, keeping relentlessly busy. (Folding laundry at 1am when sleep wouldn’t come. Not recommended.)
WHAT SHE WISHES SHE’D HAD
More informed, involved partner support. She simply didn’t have enough of it.
When a marriage ends, the emotional load only grows — and without support, important things slip through the cracks. Sometimes, so do the needs of the child.
THE WISDOM SHE’D PASS DOWN
Every single mother is different. It helps if you had a good role model — you don’t have to second-guess yourself quite as much with that kind of wisdom behind you.
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Mothers are links in a chain — one that binds us all together.
Vivien is right — mothers are a chain, each link holding the next. That is the village we are building at togetHER: a place for mums to meet, connect and restore, in their own way and through every stage of motherhood.
#togetHER #MUMPROFILESERIES #SEASONEDMOTHER #MATRESCENCE #ITTAKESAVILLAGE
Originally published on Substack.